Sunnyside Chronicle (Monday afternoon edition)

Redmore Killer Progress
It looks like Sheriff Jonah Johnson (44), who had postulated an absconded stranger as responsible for the gruesome death of Rev Redmore was both right and wrong. DNA evidence has come back from Innesmouth, showing that an outsider must have been responsible.
[BOX Loyal readers will recall a genetics survey most of the several hundred inhabitants took part in a few years ago. This was a result of Martha’s Vineyard screening to determine the high number of Deaf people in that insular community in the past; to the extent that ASL (American Sign Language) is their second language, even among hearing inhabitants. Our own genetic makeup, while split between the Pilgrim Fathers and native Massachuset, showed little of the lack of diversity of Martha’s Vineyard inhabitants. Something that still has genetic scientists baffled. Just goes to show, small is beautiful. BOX]

However, it appears that our murderer is possibly still in the area. Matching DNA and other evidence has been found in the woods near the old Canning Factory. Johnson has urged Sunnysiders to avoid the North side of the settlement, and to travel in small well armed groups.

“We’ve got it under control, and an arrest is imminent.” The Sheriff confirmed, “but please stay in your homes, the square or the chapel. Prayer at this time is vital in combating fear of this blood thirsty mad man.” He helpfully added. You heard it here first:

“Be afraid. Especially as the elections for sheriff are strangely imminent.”
New Broom Sweeps Clean
It is with fond thanks that we say goodbye to Sunnyside School’s interim acting head, Mr Albus Smith, upon the appointment of new Head Mistress, Ms. R. Less (34).

Mr Smith said “New brooms sweep clean. It will be good to return to teaching Chemistry.” His replacement, Ruth, gave us an exclusive interview today and expressed her deepest admiration for her predecessor. “He will be a hard act to follow,” she said, “We do, however, face great challenges in getting our children to the right level.”

It was clear to this reporter how passionate Less is in wanting to mould and shape the fate of our disaffected youth. Sunnyside has had its fair share of problems with juvenile delinquency. We say Ruth is a Weilcome addition to the Community’s attempts at dealing with this problem.

Tuesday Night Film Club
Night of the Demon – 1957 (B&W)
One for the horror fans. This is the restored UK release of the edited “Curse of the Demon” originally distributed in the US, but overshadowed by its more garish A feature, “Revenge of Frankenstein” (Younger readers may not be aware that films were often released in pairs, due to their relatively short length, while older movie fans may fondly recall the regular Intermissions during which the projectionist would change reels. Something gone now, in our time of DVDs and LCD projectors.) Although dubbed a B-Movie, Night has stood the test of time as a cult horror classic, with its ‘slowly turn the screw’ pacing.
Leave the kids with GrandMa for this one…

Sunnyside Fete
This Saturday sees a return of the Sunnyside School Fete, a weilcome diversion in recent troubled times.

The Sunnyside Fete has a long tradition, reaching back centuries, possibly pre-dating the town’s founding fathers. The settlement was an ancient centre of trade, being at the natural ford of the Manuxet River immortalised in Native American myth and legend.

While the fete’s return may not herald a weilcome turning point in the fortunes of this benighted town, it can be considered a glimpse of hope. It was cancelled 3 years ago as a mark of respect after the unexpected sad departure of the Rev. J.S. Samuels, who died of a sudden stroke on the eve of festivities.

We have Ruth Less (34), Sunnyside’s new Head Mistress, to thank for the weilcome resurrection of the Sunnyside Fete. “A fete is not worse than Death” she quipped to this reporter when I visited her recently.

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